Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
