There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
