I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
