Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
vagina is talking i cant
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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