Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
