Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
