$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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