Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
