They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
