oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
