The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
