But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
