She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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