Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
