I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
