i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
ttyl tear gas
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
