i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
