well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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