FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
