paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
