Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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