I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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