I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is wine microwaveable?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I understand Curling. That high.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
