So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
