what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
