My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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