You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
