So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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