All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
