Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do vagina's smell?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
