oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
