I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
