i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
