ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
