You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just threw up on my dentist
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
