its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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