i permit you to call me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
