He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
