U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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