We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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