i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
