I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
