Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
