Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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