we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
