Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
soo... how was my night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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