i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
