i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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