Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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