Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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