I showed him my bush... on skype.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
