I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
