Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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