So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
