so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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