put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found puke in my bra..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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