i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
