i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
