Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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